In the future we'll all be gay
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
