My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
