sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
