Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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