I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
