Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
