I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
