I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
