And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
