New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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