we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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