Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
