Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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