I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Naked. naked and bneed help.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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