How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
