he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
