I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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