So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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