this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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