His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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