Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
