The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
