Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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