the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
