True but thats because hes a fetus.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
