How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
