Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
