Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
