First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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