The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
