were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
