The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
