At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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