I bet he comes in French.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
