I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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