I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
