I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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