Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
