That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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