So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
