But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
