i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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