she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
