My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
