i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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