You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
