Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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