The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
