she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
