hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have already put on my inside pants.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
