My pussy is not your playground.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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